My Corner
by MiLoV
Summary: I tried to hate you- I really did! But I couldn't, so I tried forgetting you by hangin out with Shane. Nothing's working! So tell me, who do you chose? Make the decision right here, right now. LIT; song: Linkin Park


Disclaimer: I own nothing as always....  
  
Summary: . "I tried to hate you- I really did! But I couldn't, so I tried forgetting you by hangin out with Shane. Nothing's working! So tell me, who do you chose? Make the decision right here, right now."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sitting in my little corner of Luke's I watch them. She kisses him lovingly on the cheek and I frown unknowingly at this small gesture that I wish could have been given to me. I would give anything to be him, ugh I hate saying that, but it's so true. Nothing would make me happier than to have her hand in mine or to kiss her whenever I wanted. Heck, I'd be happy if I could just have a conversation with her without Bag Boy over there interrupting us. Normally, whenever they come in, I try and hide away in my books, but unfortunately for me, this is a small diner. I can hear them talking even if they are on the other side of the room. Her voice makes me lose my concentration to the point of annoyance, but I never do actually get annoyed.  
  
Everytime that I see her, I think of her lips on mine, like at Sookie's wedding. It was the most incredible feeling in the world. After she ran away from me, I swear, I had this big grin plastered on my face. I must have looked ridiculous. But, a couple days later, that smile was long gone, back into wherever it was that my smiles hide. I smirk. That's just me, I guess. I think smiling is for dopes who are way too happy....but that day, I was one of those dopes....and actually proud of it, until she made me look like a fool and left without saying one measly word to me. I often wondered if she did that to get revenge on me for when I left before the summer without saying goodbye.....I'm hurt and she, on some level must know that, but refuses to believe that I can actually be hurt. Believe me, I can....she has proven that to me.  
  
~**~  
  
I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard  
  
Handful of complaints, but I can help the fact, that everybody can see these scars  
  
What I want you to want, what I want you to feel  
  
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe this is real  
  
~**~  
  
Shane and I are walking together along the sidewalk when I see her. I swear, I can't escape her. Either this town is just too freakin small or fate is trying to kick me while I'm down. Shane doesn't like Rory and yet they haven't even met. I think it's because I called Shane: Rory, a couple of times...that might have had something to do with it. But what can I say? I missed her, even though I would never admit it. I see her glance at me as she passes by, Dean on her arm. Once again, she says nothing to me and once again, I do nothing about it.  
  
I wish I could leave and go back to New York, but I know that can't happen. I went back for a couple of weeks and could hardly stay away from her. She's keeping me here unknowingly.  
  
~**~  
  
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do  
  
Face away and pretend that I'm not  
  
But I'll be here 'cause you want what I've got  
  
~**~  
  
"Are you still with Dean?" Silence. "Come on, Rory, yes or no-are you still with Dean."  
  
"Yes! I'm still with Dean-yes."  
  
"Glad to hear it."  
  
"Glad to tell ya."  
  
"See ya around."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Right back at ya." I walk away and out the door, passing Lorelai who gives me glare. But what else is new? I walk to the bridge and sit down, my usual nightly activities nowadays. My thoughts normally drift to Rory and tonight is no exception. I lay back on the bridge and look at the stars, finding the big dipper, Orion, the little dipper.....I thought she made her decision-I thought she had chosen Dean, but her silence when I asked her if she was still with him has caused me to think otherwise. She can't keep doing this to me. I can control myself to a certain point, but my breaking point is dead-ahead.  
  
~**~  
  
I can't feel the way I did before  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored  
  
Time won't heal this damage anymore  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored  
  
~**~  
  
I feel horrible for making her angry because I now realize that she has to make a hard decision. If she were to chose me, she would be leaving her safe and secure bubble to come and join me in a much more dangerous and mysterious world that she has never been exposed to. I think I will go and talk to her, try and make things better. I knock on her window, it's freezing outside. She comes and opens it....she says nothing. It looks like she's been crying...or maybe she's just been asleep, I can't really tell. "Can I...." I gestured towards her room. She backs away and I guess that I'm suppose to interpret that as a 'yes'. I climb through and close the window to shield her from the cold wind....much like what I did in life. I shielded her from the harsh, cold world that she was not yet been exposed to.  
  
"What are you doing here?" She asked, flatly.  
  
"Have you been crying?"  
  
"Don't avoid the question." Her voice was full of irritation and I could tell, but I couldn't think of anything to say. Everything left me.  
  
"I uhh...I came to talk." I finally sputter.  
  
"Jess, I've already heard everything you have to say."  
  
"No...no you haven't. I think that Dean is dangerous." WHAT? Dangerous? What on earth was I thinking?  
  
"Excuse me?" I was trying to tell her she shouldn't be with Dean and that I loved her, but who could tell? I suck at expressing myself.  
  
"Nevermind. Forget I came here."  
  
"Consider it done." I walked back to the window and stepped out, slamming it closed. What's wrong with me? I can never say what I want to say and I end up saying something that makes matters worse.  
  
~**~  
  
I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident  
  
'Cause you don't understand, I do what I can, but sometimes I don't make sense  
  
I say what you never wanna say, but I've never had a doubt  
  
It's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, for once just to hear me out  
  
~**~  
  
Here I am, in my corner again. I'm so lost. The way she makes me feel is so confusing. When I first see her, my first thought is of love, but it quickly fades into anger. There is no explanation for that. He walks in, like he does everyday, and kisses her. All of a sudden, I feel something break-and I realize it's my own heart. I finally realize that she is never going to be mine. I can never call her my own. She's Dean's, and she always will be because that's what's expected of her. She'll always be aiming to please, even if it doesn't please herself. That just the kind of person she is and in some way, I envy her for that. She actually has people that she wants to please. I, on the other hand, have no one-except for Luke, but sometimes I don't think he even cares.  
  
~**~  
  
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do  
  
Face away and pretend that I'm not  
  
But I'll be here 'cause you want what I've got  
  
~**~  
  
I realize she's not mine, and she never will be, but if I could just talk to her, just one more time before I give up ALL hope....."Rory, can I talk to you for a sec?" She looks at Dean for approval, but I already know that she will receive none.  
  
"Maybe later." She whispers and follows Dean out the door like a dog on a leash. She looks back at me as the door closes, an apologetic look crosses her face then anger rises above it. She is still angry. I knew that-of course I did. She whips her head around and puts her hand in Dean's. She knows I'm watching, but has no idea how much she's hurting me.....she probably is trying to hurt me, but she has no idea how much.  
  
~**~  
  
I can't feel the way I did before  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored  
  
Time won't heal  
  
this damage anymore  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored  
  
~**~  
  
I sense her presence as she walks onto the bridge. I don't look up. "Jess..." I look at her out of the corner of my eye....could that be guilt in her eyes? "I'm...I'm sorry if I hurt you." If? IF she hurt me? I don't respond to her. "I had no right to be angry with you, when I was the one who left." She was right about that. "Please say something." She begged. I put my book down. If she wants me to talk...fine. I stand up and she soon does so as well. "I've tried to TELL you how I feel, I've tried SHOW you how I feel, but you wouldn't listen and it seemed you couldn't care less. You led me on, you pulled me into your sick little mind game and I can't get out!" My voice is getting louder and she begins to cringe and cower away from me-but this time, I don't let that stop me. "I tried to hate you- I really did! But I couldn't, so I tried forgetting you by hangin out with Shane. Nothing's working! So tell me, who do you chose? Make the decision right here, right now." Her lip begins to tremble and her hands start to shake.  
  
"This is your fault, Rory. You made me feel! I mean, I would go to parties and stuff and get plastered and never care at all but then I met you and everything changed! I began to feel things...emotions! And right now, I feel pain....and that's your fault...I mean you think I'm this invincible guy. You think: 'hey! This guy's from New York he must not care about anything.' Newsflash, Rory! I'm not invincible! I can take a lot of things.....but this isn't one of them....So please just....save me the pain and tell me." Here I am standing before her, I've actually opened up to someone who can crush me like a bug-who can leave me completely shattered.  
  
~**~  
  
Now  
  
Hear me out now  
  
You're gonna listen to me, like it or not  
  
Right now  
  
Hear me out now  
  
You're gonna listen to me, like it or not  
  
Right now  
  
I can't feel the way I did before  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored  
  
~**~  
  
She shut her eyes tightly and a few tears escaped. I hear her whisper: "I'm sorry." Her bright blue eyes peer out at me from under her heavy eyelids. They are filled with tears and are bloodshot from her trying not to cry. A lump forms in my throat and a knot twists in my stomach......my heart throbs with sadness. She's made her decision....and it was just what I thought it'd be. I nodd silently, not able to say anything and walk away into the night. Shadows haunt me, telling me I shouldn't have walked away, but what else could I do?  
  
~**~  
  
I can't feel the way I did before  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored  
  
Time won't heal this damage anymore  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored  
  
~**~  
  
I tried to overcome my sadness with hate. If she didn't want to be with me, then fine! I don't need her! I don't need anybody!....this isn't working. For the first time in my life, I actually needed someone. Now all hope was gone from me.  
  
The next day in the diner I see her glance at me. That same glance that she has always given me..... Nothing has changed. Maybe chosing Dean really wasn't what she wanted. Maybe she wanted me, but was afraid. I suppose I will just have to accept that and go on in life. I can't leave, I have nowhere to go....so I will just wake up everyday and deal with it....  
  
Maybe one day....she will take that chance....of being with me.  
  
~**~  
  
I can't feel  
  
I won't be ignored  
  
Time won't heal  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored  
  
~**~  
  
And until that day, I carry my sorrow.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: I all of a sudden have this obsession with songfics...I hope you liked it! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!! It means so much to me! 


End file.
